This post brought to you by the phrase "The harded you try to keep me here, the more you are just going to push me away"

My husband had to endure the agonizing pain of hearing his daughter tell him this last night. For the last 2 months she's been feeling unloved, sheltered, and just hates living with us.

[I normally wouldn't share this kind of personal, family issue on the internet, for all the world to see, but I hope that there is someone else out there who has gone through this and can help give some advice.]

Living in a split house I know is hard. I had parents who divorced and I can only remember 1 time that I spent the night at my dad's house with his new wife. I was 16/17 when it all happened but I remember telling my mom, "there was no way I was going to spend the night at that house with the woman who had ruined our family."

Our situation is totally different. My husband and his wife were divorced before I came into the situation. Granted "Dad" has always been happy with the same new spouse (me) while "Mom" has had many terrible relationships, so I don't know if there is animosity there because of that.

I just don't get how a teenager who has her own cell phone, own computer with internet in her room, always has a meal before her, always is able to do almost whatever she wants...go wherever she wants, has a dad who is always around, can be so angry and feel so "sheltered". She wants to change schools, wants to move to a neighboring town to live with her mom...she just can't stand it here and wants out. And even sadder she is bringing her younger sister into it all. The younger girl also said last night she'd like to go live with "Mom" because Dad never lets her do anything. The only thing she could come up with that she had been unable to do lately is go hang out in town with her friends. All towns have the "Townies" and this is the nasty group she wants to be around.

I really feel that some professional counseling would help this situation but don't know how my husband would feel about that. I've thought about just going myself and see what I can do to better the situation and see if it's suggested that the rest of the family come in. I am just at a loss.

I was away from home last night when this all took place and after the phone call I got from my husband I was just sick. I feel terrible for him. The love of my life was hurting and I couldn't do anything to fix it. He is a great husband and wonderful dad. Very protective of his girls but a great dad. He just doesn't want to see them hurt, and now he's hurting.

She doesn't get us and we just don't get here. She is such a good kid that this all seems so out of place.

How can such a good family fall apart so fast?


Ps. For a happy Christmas type post, check out my other blog @ Ravings of a Mad Bus Driver.


Staci said...

I'm sitting here with tears running down my face. I'm sick in my stomach. I wish I was there so that I could give my brother a hug and tell him that I "understand." I like your idea of going to get some help. Keep the lines of communication open between all of you. Joey's such a fabulous dad...I've always thought he was wonderful. The girls are confused....wish I knew how to better help you two. If I can an anyway please let me know.

Julie Tucker-Wolek said...

*sigh* and i used to have the exact opposite...adam used to cry and bawl and bawl and BEG me to call the judge and NOT make him go to his dad's .... used to break my heart..... *sigh* i wish i had words to help heather....{{{{hugs}}} to u and hubby! :):):):):):):):):):)

Apple said...

She's being a teenager and the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. I did the same thing at 14. Mom handled it by shipping me off to Dad's with the understanding that there would be no changing schools mid year. It was a year of hell - both for me and Mom. I was ready to head home by Thanksgiving. My sister's step-daughter (15) came to live with her last year and had the same outcome - she couldn't wait to get back to her old friends.

I wish I had some real advise for you. You need to make sure that there is not something at school or with her friends that she is trying to avoid or run away from. Down deep that was part of my problem. You also need to know if her mother is putting pressure on her. My kids spent a year with my ex because they thought he'd stop loving them if they didn't. They only spent a year because it took me that long to work through the courts to get them back.

Talk to her. Tell her how things will be if she leaves and be prepared to stick to it. Will her Mom be as involved as you are; will she provide the comforts (phone, computer, clothes) that she has when she lives with you? Does she think you will continue to provide those things? Point out that other kids can't just pack up and leave when they don't get their way and neither can she.

Wish I could give you a big hug. Counseling certainly can't hurt.